what is a friend?
From dictionary.com a friend is:
- a person whom one knows well and is fond of; intimate associate; close acquaintance
- a person on the same side in a struggle; one who is not an enemy or foe; ally
- a supporter or sympathizer a friend of labor
- something thought of as like a friend in being helpful, reliable, etc.
- any member of the Society of Friends; Quaker
I have been thinking a lot about friends lately... who can have friends, is it awful if you don't have any, what makes a friend, how do you measure friendships etc
I am about to go through a major change in my life and through the process I'm learning who my friends are.
I'm learning who texts me to check in, who would do anything for me, who would drive 3 hours just to see me.
I'm learning that I have "fake" friends and I'm not even sure if "fake" is the right word. I have friends who I love and love to see but don't keep in contact with and if I only see them once a year its more than great. I also have "convenience" friends and by this I mean friends who I see when one or both of us need something from the other. Or "convenience" friends because we go to the same gym or work together or go to church together.
How do you make your "fake" or "convenience" friends friends??
In a few weeks I will be a mom and I know that most of my friends will not make the transition over and I'm not really sure how to feel about that or what to do... Is it okay to let them go? or Do I need to work harder? Is it two sided... Why am I the only friend concerned about losing the other?
and I'm still trying to figure out...What is the definition of friend?
PS the picture above is one of my favorites. She is one of my best friends and I am lucky to have her in my life.
3 comments:
I totally get this and go through it myself. I like to draw the following parallel:
some friends are like spare change. you need them for little things some times, they're convenient, but in the end, you can actually be okay without them.
some friends are like wallets. you need them for the everyday stuff, and spend a lot of time together. you don't keep large amounts in there really, but you know if you needed to carry a bunch of money for something, you'd put it in your wallet.
some friends are like bank accounts or safety deposit boxes. they're where you keep the savings and the jewels and all the really valuable stuff.
of course, some friends can be more than one of those. and if you're truly blessed, you might find a friend or two who just might be able to cover all the bases.
ideally in life, we could have a couple who are the all over friends, and then a variety of combinations of the others too.
I think it's okay to have friends who are just spare change. sometimes they're "fake" or just convenient (sometimes they really are fake though), but I don't think that in itself that's bad. I think it's really just important to have a good balance.
that's what I figured out.
hope it helps. :-)
Matt
Wow, I totally have an opinion here. I wondered about the same things when I moved away from Toronto and found myself alone in a strange country -- suddenly I saw a difference between (a) people who care for my heart and (b) people who just thought I was cool. And you know, I lot of people in the Toronto scene have their hearts in the right place but live these crowded, busy, super-social lives where it's easy to forget about friends when they suddenly enter a radically different phase of life. My "advice" here would be to let go of the friends that fall by the wayside, and concentrate on the ones that stick around to care for your soul - I think having fewer, more meaningful relationships far outweighs having a million fair-feather fans.
A lot of people say,
"I'm there for you always", or "Call me if you need me" when really their agenda is packed for the next 3 months and maybe they just don't expect you to call so they say it to feel good and to make you feel good.
That is why I like living in community. if you need something I will damn well know it. We get to do life together. The boring stuff (dishes & diapers) and the fun stuff (Centre Island & birthdays), you know?
You have taught me a lot about friendship and about caring already. I am so thankful that we're family, now :) BIG LOVE! hahahah ;)
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